Shame

Shame is an unbearable feeling; it is a combination of multiple emotions, fear, humiliation and worthlessness, and it includes the terror of abandonment from childhood. So many of us are fearful of shame and will do anything to avoid it.

A deep physical response accompanies shame and there is a sense of implosion within the body. As a way of hiding shame we may present as defensive and angry, and will deny feelings because of the pain of humiliation.

Toxic shame is induced inside children, by all forms of child abuse, incest and other forms
- John Bradshaw 1988.

Shame-based issues begin in childhood with statements such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'you are being a baby'. These statements might seem fairly commonplace. However they, when repeated over time along with other humiliating behaviours from parents, teachers and peers, will make a permanent mark on a child's personality.

Over-eating is a way of keeping shame at bay, and yet it can be shaming in itself. As we grow, we internalise the early shaming statements made by significant figures in our life.

• 'you are an idiot'
• 'you are stupid'
• 'you can't do anything right'
• 'you just cannot be trusted'

Becomes internalised and owned as true

• 'I am an idiot'
• 'I am so stupid'
• 'I cannot do anything right'
• 'I just cannot be trusted'