Self Esteem

Self worth or self esteem is about how much we love, like and respect ourselves. It is something that develops over time...

Have you just settled for a certain type of relationship?
Have you just drifted into marriage or longterm relationships?
Was it what you really wanted?
Was this person really who you wanted?
Did you ever feel flattered by the attention someone gave you and felt so pleased to have someone (anyone)?
Did you go along with the process, only to find that into the relationship, you were back within the shadow of your criticising or rejecting family situation?
Do you ever put up with bad treatment from partners or friends?

Valuable

We first have to be valued in order to feel valuable, primarily by our parents or primary carers then by others, for example, a teacher or extended family member. If someone else places value upon us, compliments us and encourages us, we can then begin to grow in pride and self esteem. If we are not shown, how can we learn to value ourselves? or believe in who we are?

Through maintaining the negative situation a person can in some way hold a false sense of security. As I mentioned earlier, being in an unhappy marriage with a partner who treats us badly might be familiar because that's all we've ever known. And the same applies to being in a job where we remain unnoticed, or looking after others while ignoring our own needs.

Perhaps we don't even recognise that we have needs and that is why we stay in negative situations.

Safety

Why do you stay in uncomfortable situations?

Because they are familiar and this gives a sense of safety even whilst feeling the hurt and distress. You can cope with it because you are unsure as to whether you deserve anything better. It may not even occur to you that you can have something better. Although throughout this section I have posed questions as food for thought. Once we understand why we do things it gives us the opportunity to make a change.