Grief and Loss

Each of us has a way of surviving and recovering from life's upheavals. As in life we go through stages or phases of development and change, so we pass through a process of development when we grieve in loss. If this process remains incomplete, it may lead to emotional growth impairment. The grief may be fixated at one level, thus healing of the emotional wound remains incomplete, and forming new attachments thereafter, incomplete.

'Perhaps life is truly meant to be directionless? Maybe each one of us is fumbles our way down corridors without end, one merging into the next. Each scrabbling down gravel paths, grasping for foot holds, reaching out blindly for something solid to hold on to but finding only shifting sand' (Brereton 2002)

Therapy

As a therapist I have worked with any number of grief issues not just the loss of a loved one. Grief and loss are a part of everyday life and I became aware that the grief process needed to be applied to all aspects of personal life.

Confidence

As individuals we go through life managing problems such as relationship difficulties, lack of confidence in areas of work and society in general, getting through them and batting them to one side. Some of us will have problems in attachment and maintaining long term intimate relationships. Many will experience confidence issues, like low self esteem, lack of self worth, and so on.

Historical Elements

It is important to me that we recognise the historical elements that have helped form our personality. The way we developed as a child and the influences of our family are a part of who we are:

• How did you become the way you are today?
• What happened within your family history that influences now the way you see others, yourself and the world around you?

Food as Defence

Invariably, we all meet grief stemming from early childhood unresolved loss issues, which may encroach on us, in our here and now thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Each of us presents with our own defences; structured to self protect and survive early unsoothed distress. Early loss and traumas, painful in childhood, influence coping strategies we create to keep a sense of emotional and physical protection; in other words to make sense from chaos - like a band aid or plaster, holding together a wound actually needing major surgery.

For many this defence is food and self-comfort gained from eating, which in turn becomes an eating problem; either gaining, losing or the never-ending circle of prevention continues, sapping physical and emotional energy. Food becomes a form of defence in order to protect, helping the world inside be more comfortable than the world outside.