A Self-Destructive Process

Substituting food for love and care is a legacy from the family system. It is learnt behaviours from the family.

Each parent, in the main, tries to improve on parenting style from the one before. How many of us utter the words I want to be different from my mum/dad?

Basic needs

If, as children, we fail to get our basic needs met. If we felt that our needs and wants didn't matter because our parents have seen themselves as more important, we will be affected and it will be with us into adulthood. With a parenting style that has been discounting and neglectful, the child will grow up seeing himself as no good, or at the very least not good-enough. He will be plagued with the deep-rooted belief of being unlovable, unattractive and worthless all of which is the core to low self-esteem.

Overeating

Those of us who have been physically and/or emotionally deprived will learn to live without. They will look for ways to fill the inner space, and food is one way.

Overeating is a sideways step towards self care; a way to deal with the internal conflict that never goes away - like a deep wound that has never healed. It is a way to have some control over the external world and the internal pain, which impinges upon the emotional self on a daily basis. It is also a way of demonstrating distress whilst seeming to retain some sense of normality, whilst struggling with disharmony.

The outside world sees the internal distress externalized in an obese person. The more the weight the more the distress is being revealed. Sympathy however is rarely forthcoming in the public arena. Usually ridicule and impatience is more the rule of thumb.

'Why don't you just diet?' or 'All you need to do is cut down'.

How many of of us have heard that along with some extremely thin person telling us they are on a diet? Well more than likely that bit is true because they may be experiencing their own internal struggle with food.

Often comfort eaters do not exhibit huge weight gains; merely staying on the edge, battling to maintain some reasonable weight, not quite obese enough for anyone to point the finger.